OOOOOHHHHHH What a beautiful morning!

That's a song Christian and I would sing on the way to dropping him at daycare in the mornings.... when he was very little of course.  Now and then I can talk him into a little sing song with me but I'm sure now he just thinks I'm nuts.  I think he thought I was pretty cool back then, though, even though I can't sing for beans.  He didn't mind.  It was him and me and we laughed and sang and we were happy and I felt like I was the best mom in the world.  They were good moments and while I don't think singing "Beautiful Morning" whenever I want a good moment is quite how to recapture them, I do feel singing, laughing, appreciating a lovely sunrise or sunset or even a beautiful crisp day, enjoying a wonderful meal or just feeling at peace for a moment, should all be appreciated, shared, captured in the heart and mind and pushed ahead of negative thoughts.  Today, no venting.  Today, beautiful thoughts.

The sky is lovely today in a beautiful sky blue with no clouds, the sun shining brightly as it rises to my back.  My home office faces the west, so I only get to see the sun rise when I let Abby out in the morning or take Christian to school.  But they are typically quite lovely and serene.  It is supposed to snow later today but for now, I'll take the lovely morning. 

My husband Donald has a beautiful heart.  He's so patient with me while freak out, have anxiety attacks, control issues and all over become a nutcase right before his very eyes.  I'm sure he's thinking he didn't sign up for this, but he's hanging in there and lets me vent, talk, cry and yell.  He's rubbed my head and held my hand while I suffered through horrible migraines.  He's quite a guy, I tell ya, and I feel pretty lucky to have him in my life. 

I want to be a better person.  I mean, I think I'm an ok person right now - I don't cheat, steal, try not to tell too many fibs (karma is a bitch) and always try to do the right thing in any given situation.  But I swear,  I bitch, I moan, I can be negative, distrusting, cynical and angry and I often find I am all of those when under stress.  So, in spite of a job I detest (my number one cause of stress), I am not going to let those negatives push their way to the front and breathe, close my eyes, think of positive things in my life and try to find that open window of opportunity that will help me and my family move towards a better life.  I'm going to laugh more, judge less, breathe more and live better.  So the beautiful thought here is that I feel as though I am taking steps to having a more beautiful life, with love, laughter, faith and hope. 

A beautiful quote I took from a desk calendar last year and kept it on my desk all year long because it truly helped me get through some tough moments.  "I'm on the patch right now... it releases small doses of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm going to rip it off." - Ellen Degeneres

There's also another one I truly love from someone of astounding influence and strength.  "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." -  Eleanor Roosevelt

How true those quotes both are.  In a world of so many billions of people that we would worry about what one or two people would say about us is silly, yet we do that to ourselves every day of our lives.  We answer to ourselves, our consciences and our higher power, whichever path we choose in life.   Then we answer to everyone else, if we so choose.  Isn't free will great?