Prepping for the future

I just took the first 8 ounces of this foul tasting stuff (orange flavor my ass) to prepare for my surgery tomorrow.  I thought it was coming right back up but a cold water chaser & a sip of apple juice helped keep it down.  I just hope I can get it all down... And keep it down.  Because having this surgery is very important to me & I don't want anything keeping me from having it done.

People have asked me if I'm nervous and I think I'm more anxious about the unknowns...the hospital food being gluten free is my biggest worry, believe it or not.  I am not really that worried about the surgery although I hope it all goes well.

Another 8 ounces down...how many ounces are in 3 liters anyhow?

We are chilling at home since I can't go anywhere for the rest of the night... I think I'll watch a good movie...off to down another 8 ounces...

Discoveries and Epiphanies

So last month it was discovered that I had Celiac, thus leading to the epiphany that certain symptoms I'd been experiencing through my life, most especially since my mid-thirties, were a result of Celiac and I had to wonder what would have happened had I made this discovery then.  Then a couple of weeks ago it was discovered that my stupid, useless and painful reproductive organs were a mired mess of adhesions, endometriosis and the doctor literally pointing to a picture taken with a laparscopic camera that "I don't know what THAT is but we'll probably remove it."  Leading to another epiphany - no freaking wonder I had periods that felt like my insides were being twisted in knots and pulled inside out!  Again, though, leaving me to wonder what would have happened if I had made this discovery sooner.  Guess we'll never know what would have happened, but I do know what is going to happen now.  HYSTERECTOMY!!!!!!  Bring. It. On. Now. 

So October 28th is the big day leading to wonderful freedoms from pain and torment.  Along with a gluten-free diet, I should really be on the road to recovery and healthy living.  I am sooooooooooo ready.

This past weekend we also did a family vacation in San Diego.  San Diego never changes... we stayed at the beach, enjoyed the wonderful ocean air, walked the beach and... endured the family factor that comes with family vacations.  Which lead to a little discovery but a major epiphany.  I discovered that it's no one single person or thing that defines that family factor but as a whole it creates major stress for me.  There has been at least one family member at almost all of my vacations, or they've been trips to visit family, and .... here's the epiphany... there has always been some measure of stress for me.  I also discovered that very few of my friends and other people I've talked to actually do family vacations... for the same reason: stress. They all looked at me like I was crazy and wondered why I did it so often.  I had no real reason other than it seemed like the right thing to do.  We were going to San Diego and it's where my family lives so why wouldn't my mom go with us and we visit with family, right? But given the epiphany resulting from my weekend in San Diego, I've decided that the next vacation... maybe next two vacations... need to be family free.  It's nothing personal about any of my family because they know I love them dearly and as I said, it's not one person or situation, it's my own personal reaction to these situations.  But the next vacation Donald and I (and maybe Christian) take will be just us.  We may go somewhere family wants to visit, but Donald has instructions to help me resist the urge to invite family and make it a wonderful family vacation.  Discovery/Epiphany: wonderful family vacation is code for "it's a drinking vacation."

Today is also our 3rd wedding anniversary.  Happy Anniversary, Sweetie. :)

Healthy and boring....

Apparently being healthy and having a boring life do not get along.  It seems that you cannot have one with the other.  I've been trying for a long time and I think I've come close.  But it's never been for more than a day before something dramatic has to happen....like getting a cold or dealing with stupid stuff that creates drama and stress.  I'm thinking I'll just strive for the healthy bit and use it to deal with the drama...and then maybe there will be some more boring moments.  But I doubt it. 

I have been getting on track to get healthy.  The diagnosis of Celiac is a big step but there is one more element to 'fixing my body' that needs to be addressed:  the reproductive organs that are causing chaos in my body. I started out by going to the doctor to discuss ripping them out of me.  They cause more pain and suffering two weeks out of every month and I don't want nor need them any longer.  So I am having procedures done to see what is going on inside and progress towards a hysterectomy.  Yesterday I had a laparoscopy and it seems that all of the surgeries over the years have taken their toll.  Adhesions galore, stuff they couldn't recognize and the scope wouldn't even go where they wanted to; it couldn't wade through the stuff.  So now the next step is the hysterectomy.  I have validation for feeling so awful.  So we fix it. Soon. 

I figure my birthday present to myself this year is going to get healthy by dealing w/the main two culprits that have kept me from feeling and being healthy.  Hopefully by Christmas I'm going to feel awesome! 

Sad day...

Sad day today... and yet it started out so positive and energetic.  Figures.  The doctor called and I got the official diagnosis... Celiac.  I have to be on a strict gluten-free diet for the rest of my life.  Put a number to that and we're talking decades to miss out on good beer, yeast breads that don't taste like sawdust or weigh a half ton.  For the last month I've enjoyed great beer, hot dogs, croissants, real french toast, bread, pie, sandwiches, pizza, pasta... you name it.  I indulged in the "see-food" diet:  I saw it and I ate it.  Yum!

So for tonight, I'm going to truly enjoy my last two Octoberfest beers and try not to calculate in my head what it will cost financially to make our household a strict gluten-free home.  Not to mention all of the food I just bought that I can no longer eat.  I think I'll ask my brother-in-law if I can get a family discount on a case of GF products!

I think I'll go sulk and drink my beer... maybe have a bowl of cereal... my last gluten for the rest of my life... maybe I should make it count... better get a donut! 

Brain Drain

I was doing pretty good there for a while, blogging semi-regularly to let you all know the goings-on here in Phoenix... then I got a new job and life just kind of took over and, well... I guess I got lazy.  Sorry about that...I can't guarantee it won't happen again, but I'll try to be more semi-regular in my blog posts. 

Updates on the happenings here:
I have started my new job as a fraud investigatory and I already love it.  I knew I would, but you know how you always have that little bit of doubt?  Well, I have it, but so far... so good. 

Donald and I joined a gym and we're getting into a regular schedule to going to work out.  No weight loss yet (at least not for me) but we're hoping the weight and the workouts will meet one day soon. 

Christian has gone up to Colorado for the summer.  I miss him terribly.  I had a staggering thought yesterday when I was thinking of him, too.  He's sixteen and the same as as Eric was when he and Michael had their "summer of fun" of Eric driving them both around in Michael's dad's little convertible Fiat... they were total chick magnets and into who-knows-what kind of stuff that summer.  Only the two of them really know EVERYTHING that went on. :)  But Christian is the same age... it's hard to wrap my head around that thought.  Christian is learning to drive up in Colorado and will finish up the lessons when he comes back home, so by Christmas, he should have his license and be off on his own... wow.

Jack is doing well and he's actually off on his way to Colorado... in fact, he should be there by now since he left yesterday and was taking two days to make the trip.  He's going to spend some time with Sharon and Steven, hanging around in cooler temps and taking a short trip to Yellowstone.

We're going to try to make a trip out to San Diego at the end of September so we can get in a little beach-time for the year.  We actually haven't been to the beach yet this year, so that will be a perfect time - no tourists! :)

Just a quick update to all.  No pics of our vacation but I promise I'll post pics and details soon.  Today was a good day and I wanted to share with everyone the great news.

If you recall I've been trying to get a very coveted job as a Financial Crimes Investigative Analyst position at American Express, enduring round-robin interviews and a killer writing assessment that took three (3!) hours to complete only to find out a couple of weeks ago that the job was put on hold indefinitely.  Well, apparently going on vacation was good not only for the family but American Express as well! 

Today I was offered the job and I took it! 

It's such a great opportunity and something I love to do and I'm very excited to get back into fraud investigations.  I start on May 16 and I am really looking forward to joining what I consider to be an elite group of investigators in the industry.  I'm excited to learn what they know and bring what I know to the team.  I'll keep you posted as I start training and resume my career as a fraud investigator. 

Will the real Jeannie please stand up?

My aunt asked me yesterday if I ever stop being "mom" and let the real Jeannie come out and play.  I thought about that for a moment and told her "yes - more and more often these days."  But I thought more about that and what's been happening in my life these days and I'd say that is a true statement but there is a lot of room for improvement.  Frankly, I've been a "mom" since my brother was born and he still has a mom!  I was meant to be a mom, I act like a mom, I think like a mom, I react like a mom.  I am a mom.  I'm a great mom, too.  In effect, the "real" Jeannie has been coming out all along... but she may not have been playing.  There is more to me, though, and I realize that over the years, it's been a struggle to be the real "me."  This past year, though, has been such a challenge but as I thought about who I am and what is the real "me" I think that challenge has been really good for getting to know myself again.

Fight or flight.  I've been there and I've done the flight, but it's unproductive, useless, unreliable, etc.. all things a control freak like the real "me" can't subscribe to in daily life.  So, fight it was and is and will be from now on.  But fighting made me look at my life and my family and the mom in me (natural born fighter) knew that our family needed to be kept together and kept safe and kept whole and kept healthy.  Now, I certainly had a lot, I mean A LOT, of support from my family to keep me sane and push me along and I cannot begin to thank them enough.  But I am discovering that the fight to get through the challenges laid out in front of me and my family also helped to bring us together and give me the strength to be the real "me."  So, who is the "real" Jeannie?

I love to cook and I've been doing a ton more of that, especially with a dietary restriction, and loving it.  I am a good cook and I love making delicious meals to share with my family.  As I've incorporated more healthy meals into my repetoire, I get more pleasure out of knowing I'm feeding us delicious AND healthy meals. 

I love to laugh.  Loudly.  Often.  My family makes me laugh and I love making them laugh.  I absolutely love to see the laughter and happiness on my son's face.  It is burned into my brain forever yet I cannot get enough.  My wonderful husband makes me laugh and when he's a dork (daily) it reminds me that I, too, am a dork and not to take things so seriously.  Life is too short.  Way too short. 

I am reading more often, especially on my little Nook, and I love that.  I love to sit down with a book and learn things I didn't know or read a steamy romance novel.  I love romance novels; I'd been reading Harlequin romances since I was a kid!  Now I have a favorite author who never fails to please. 

I love to work.  Yup... believe it or not, I love going to work.  Sometimes it is a little stressful or boring, but most of the time it bends my brain and makes me think and reminds me that I am a smart person (note: I did not say smart-ass... big diff!) and I have a lot to offer to my company as well as learn from my peers.  I've had bad jobs (you all know which ones) and good jobs and I've learned something from each and every one of them...I've learned about myself.  Every time.  Whatever my job, it's a part of me and it does help to round out the definition of who I am. 

So, standing 5 foot 3 (don't argue Mom - the doctors have always recorded it this way!), the "real" Jeannie is having fun and living life and loving life these days.  She's not stressed out, she's thinking of her future and finally, after a long time of figuring it out... happy.  The "real" Jeannie is happy.  Finally.