My aunt asked me yesterday if I ever stop being "mom" and let the real Jeannie come out and play. I thought about that for a moment and told her "yes - more and more often these days." But I thought more about that and what's been happening in my life these days and I'd say that is a true statement but there is a lot of room for improvement. Frankly, I've been a "mom" since my brother was born and he still has a mom! I was meant to be a mom, I act like a mom, I think like a mom, I react like a mom. I am a mom. I'm a great mom, too. In effect, the "real" Jeannie has been coming out all along... but she may not have been playing. There is more to me, though, and I realize that over the years, it's been a struggle to be the real "me." This past year, though, has been such a challenge but as I thought about who I am and what is the real "me" I think that challenge has been really good for getting to know myself again.
Fight or flight. I've been there and I've done the flight, but it's unproductive, useless, unreliable, etc.. all things a control freak like the real "me" can't subscribe to in daily life. So, fight it was and is and will be from now on. But fighting made me look at my life and my family and the mom in me (natural born fighter) knew that our family needed to be kept together and kept safe and kept whole and kept healthy. Now, I certainly had a lot, I mean A LOT, of support from my family to keep me sane and push me along and I cannot begin to thank them enough. But I am discovering that the fight to get through the challenges laid out in front of me and my family also helped to bring us together and give me the strength to be the real "me." So, who is the "real" Jeannie?
I love to cook and I've been doing a ton more of that, especially with a dietary restriction, and loving it. I am a good cook and I love making delicious meals to share with my family. As I've incorporated more healthy meals into my repetoire, I get more pleasure out of knowing I'm feeding us delicious AND healthy meals.
I love to laugh. Loudly. Often. My family makes me laugh and I love making them laugh. I absolutely love to see the laughter and happiness on my son's face. It is burned into my brain forever yet I cannot get enough. My wonderful husband makes me laugh and when he's a dork (daily) it reminds me that I, too, am a dork and not to take things so seriously. Life is too short. Way too short.
I am reading more often, especially on my little Nook, and I love that. I love to sit down with a book and learn things I didn't know or read a steamy romance novel. I love romance novels; I'd been reading Harlequin romances since I was a kid! Now I have a favorite author who never fails to please.
I love to work. Yup... believe it or not, I love going to work. Sometimes it is a little stressful or boring, but most of the time it bends my brain and makes me think and reminds me that I am a smart person (note: I did not say smart-ass... big diff!) and I have a lot to offer to my company as well as learn from my peers. I've had bad jobs (you all know which ones) and good jobs and I've learned something from each and every one of them...I've learned about myself. Every time. Whatever my job, it's a part of me and it does help to round out the definition of who I am.
So, standing 5 foot 3 (don't argue Mom - the doctors have always recorded it this way!), the "real" Jeannie is having fun and living life and loving life these days. She's not stressed out, she's thinking of her future and finally, after a long time of figuring it out... happy. The "real" Jeannie is happy. Finally.
No comments:
Post a Comment